LIKE...Sounds That Only Dogs Can Hear!

In January of this year I decided that instead of sending each of my 4 nephews and 10 nieces their own and individual birthday presents I would give them one big gift that would suit them all. I decided to get them a trampoline to keep in grandma and grandpa’s backyard. Since Utah still has 4 seasons, I had to wait until now to actually get the trampoline and have it set up.

Before purchasing something this big, naturally, I had to do some research to find the best price. Before I even got started I knew that one of the 5 Wal-mart stores surrounding the city where my parent’s live would have the best price, but I would rather spend another $100 than give more money to what I consider a malevolent corporation. This task proved to be more difficult than I had expected. The following is my conversation with an employee of Big-5 Sporting Goods: (to truly feel my frustration you need to understand that this girl’s voice was 5 pitches higher than what dogs can hear, I won’t tell you what color of hair I am sure she has naturally, but I will say she probably does a lot of backcombing; a practice still honored and revered in Utah. Oh, and don’t for get the like, valley girl, like speech, like!!!!)

B5Employee: Thank you for calling Big5, how can I help you?
Me: I am calling to get the prices on your large trampolines.
B5Employee: um...I don’t think we sell big trampolines!!!!! (giggle!)
Me: Yes you do, I’ve gotten information from your store before about them. Could you please find out?
B5Employee: K, um… like hold on, k?
Me: Thank you.
3 minutes later
B5Employee: Um… k, we have like a 9-foot or something like that for like $299. (prices are varied for this story, since I don’t remember the exact price) That also comes with the enclosure!!!
Me: well, is it 9-feet? Or is it something like that? I need to know the exact measurement.
B5Employee: um… it is 9 feet. (giggle)
Me: Do you have any others? I’m looking for one that is 12-14 feet.
B5Employee: um… no? (was she asking me or telling me, still not sure)
Me: What if I don’t want the enclosure, are those sold separately? Would that be less if I don’t want it?
B5Employee: um… well, like, if you don’t want the enclosure it still comes with it. But like, you like, don’t have to put it up I guess. You could just like put the trampoline, like up without it. (giggle).
Me: Wow! Thank you. You’ve been extremely helpful. (so sarcastic)

If someone wants to talk like a valley girl, that is totally fine with me. I do it sometimes too. The “LIKE” is very common in my vocabulary. However, I try to be more intelligent sounding in my daily life, especially when I am at work. I would suggest to the generation after mine to take a hint or two and wise up. Anyone that is even slightly older than you is irritated by you. Learn how to speak, learn how to act when you are at work and dealing with public. And finally – please please please try to use a tone of voice that doesn’t hurt people’s ears! If all the dogs in the neighborhood start barking whenever you talk—change the pitch of your effing voice!!!! I don’t think its cute and it makes me want to push you off of my 14 foot trampoline in the hopes that your voicebox and your backcombed bouffant hairdo will both be destroyed!!!!

Finally, I was able to buy a 14-foot (not 14 or something like that!) trampoline. So far the kids are enjoying it. Hopefully the excitement lasts! Happy Birthday to all the kiddies!!!!