Yin & Yang

I have been terrible about writing lately. Nothing seems worthy to write about. Except:

In the middle of the summer, I find myself on a phone call that I find myself on just about every day, with my sister, except this time I am inquiring about the results of a blood test. We are close since adulthood, never in childhood, sadly. I know just about everything one could know about their sibling, her husband, and their four beautiful daughters. Annalynn, as I have written about her before, was sick. We thought it was a basic "summer cold" that she just couldn't seem to kick. Nikki took her to the doctor and they ran some blood tests told them to come back in a few days to see what the results were. I called Nikki again on August 1st, my honey's birthday, to see if we know the results yet. Nikki and her husband are in the family minivan driving to Salt Lake City to the children's hospital.

At this point, Nikki doesn't tell me what the doctors think it might be, she does not want me to worry if there is nothing to worry about. Naturally, I am going to worry. What could be wrong with our precious Annalynn? Nikki tells me that she will let me know as soon as the tests at the Children's hospital are confirmed. "Please wish Mark a Happy Birthday for us and we will call you later." OK- can do, sis!

Mark and I are at dinner later and Annalynn insists on calling "uncle Mok" to wish him a happy birthday. She's in the hospital being poked and prodded at by doctors and nurses and she is thinking of Uncle Mark. Too too sweet. Uncle Mark got his birthday wishes from his #1 fan. I continued to talk to her, but I find it difficult to say much without revealing to Annalynn that I am crying. I am so worried and I had found out about an hour before the phoneall from my mom that they think Annalynn might have cancer. CANCER? A 7-year old? Annalynn? No!! Mark and I continue to celebrate his birthday. All the while, I am 800 miles away from my family and I want to be there with my sister and my niece.

August 2 comes quickly. Our entire family is in panic mode waiting to find out if Annalynn is sick or not. I am worried about who is taking care of Annalynn's 3 sisters, I am worried about my sister and her husband, and my mind never leaves the thought of sweet Annalynn. Its almost noon and I get the phone call from my sister that I have been anxiously dreading... Annalynn has Leukemia. I immediately tell Nikki that I am on the next plane out of Los Angeles and I will be there to do whatever I can to help. After sobbing all the way home from work, trying to pack, and rushing to the airport, I get on the plane.

It is strange how when something this serious happens, you know you will never see the world the same again. My mind wanders as I sit on the plane. I wonder what makes that cute Korean couple sitting next to me so happy. They are chatting away in their language, happy as can be, they keep nodding and smiling at me. I force the nicest smile that I could. As the plane makes its way toward Salt Lake City, I get to see the most beautiful sunset. The clouds were so ethereal and beautiful I couldn't stop looking (I even snapped a few pictures). Knowing that the beauty of these clouds was the total opposite of the news I had learned earlier that day. When I landed in Salt Lake City my parents were there to greet me and take me up to the hospital where Annalynn was staying.

We got to the hospital, as I was walking towards those large doors I do all that I can to hold back the impending tears that I feel in my throat and behind my eyes. I keep telling myself I have to be strong, I have to show Annalynn that I am strong so she can be too. As we get outside of her hospital room door, I hear her crying. Now, how am I supposed to keep those tears at bay, when I hear Lynni crying inside? Stay strong--- do not let those tears fall. I collect myself and all the strength I can. I swallow those tears hard and we walk in. A nurse is poking Annalynn with a HUGE needle trying to take some more blood samples. Her daddy is holding her so she does not squimmer too much. My sister tells me to walk towards the bed so Annalynn can see me, apparently she had been crying for Aunt Quel. Damn good thing I got there when I did, we cannot have her crying for Aunt Quel. Aunt Quel came to be with her, to comfort her. The nurse finishes taking her blood and leaves the room. Annalynn's turn to muster up a half smile. There is nothing more difficult than seeing a child in a hospital bed, crying in pain, scared because she does not fully know what is happening to her.

There is so much more to this story. I will fill in the blanks eventually. To find out about Annalynns progress check out the blog page we have created for our family and friends:
www.annalynnsworld.blogspot.com (Updated are coming to that page soon)